Pick-Me-Up Playlists: Music, Resilience & the Story of Empower
Weekly Wisdom
Episode 67
Coaching is one thing. Running a business is something else altogether.
When we first opened our CrossFit gym in Vancouver, we quickly discovered that we had no idea what we were doing.
A drowning person will flail around for any hope of salvation. To that end, we once met with a management consultant. He was well-intentioned, but to be honest, our business was not at a level where his expertise could provide us with any meaningful help.
In the end, I did get one helpful tip out of our meeting, though.
Make a personalized playlist.
He explained that there are going to be bad days, and that music has an amazing ability to transform your mood.
His advice was to build a personalized playlist of songs that touch you personally and take you to a better place. Keep it ready on your mobile device so that when things go wrong, you have it at hand to get you through.
That was great advice.
You can create one too. Your song selection will be very different from mine. It needs to be personal to you.
But for reference, here is the playlist I keep cued up for when things go wrong.
The Best Day – Atmosphere
Life has been really good to me. But every day can't be the best day.
Into every life a little rain must fall. And even though three sides of my bed are right, even I occasionally find I've woken up on the wrong side.
Here's a song that gets me through those down days.
CrossFit workouts can be hard. Some days, it is the community that gets us through them. But as a coach, I often do these workouts on my own before coaching them.
When things are going badly, I'll throw on this song to keep me company.
Once, my wife came in to find me struggling through a workout with this song on repeat.
"Are you crying?" she asked.
"So?" I sobbed.
"You cry during workouts?"
"Sometimes. When it's a hard workout."
Life is good, but every day can't be the best day.
It's the Hard Knock Life – Annie Soundtrack
Listen to It's the Hard Knock Life
I have not had a hard knock life.
If anything, I was born into every advantage you could hope for.
And yet some days, it feels like life is determined to kick you around.
So even though I know my hardships don't rate, I identify with Annie and the other orphans. If they could get through those challenges, then surely I should be able to endure the trivialities which I identify as troubles.
Sometimes a little perspective is all you need.
Such a Loser – Garfunkel and Oates
I'm quite happy with what I've accomplished so far in life. Modest achievements, to be sure, but achievements nonetheless.
But in my experience, any success I've had is built upon a midden heap of failures.
Yes, the ultimate outcome might be considered a triumph, but the road travelled to victory was paved with failures.
If you take a tally, I've lost more than I've won.
I could easily have added Chumbawamba to this playlist as a personal anthem because the only thing I do better than getting knocked down is getting back up again.
And they say that is what counts.
The ability to keep going in the face of repeated setbacks is the key here. You are going to lose before you succeed. In my case, a lot.
Each time, you shake yourself off, swallow your disappointment and say:
"Yes, that's about par for the course. Of course, things didn't go the way I hoped the first (or second, or third) time. Guess I'll have to try again."
That's resilience.
It's also something I see people develop through CrossFit. Not because every workout goes well, but because so many don't.
You struggle. You fail. You learn. You come back and try again.
And eventually, something that once seemed impossible becomes possible.
Down to the River to Pray & I'll Fly Away – O Brother, Where Art Thou? Soundtrack
Listen to Down to the River to Pray
I'm not a religious person, but I've experienced a higher power that I cannot define or describe.
And I've been blessed with miracles beyond counting. So many prayers answered against impossible odds. Nobody can be this lucky.
An early business mentor told me that fear is the opposite of faith. And he was right. Fear and faith cannot co-exist. You can either have one or the other.
If religion turns you off and the word faith makes you uncomfortable, I've found that substituting it with the words love or gratitude works equally well. Because fear cannot live in a heart that loves, and it evaporates in the face of gratitude.
I begin each day by completing a page in my gratitude journal because I refuse to wake up to fear.
I may not be Christian, but gospel music elevates my spirit and reminds me to have faith.
And after all, faith has gotten me this far.
Down by the Water – Abigail Lapell
My cousin, Abigail, has carved out a career as a folk singer.
She is very talented, but I can't imagine it is easy to make a living this way.
Her career was just taking off around the time I was starting my new career as a CrossFit coach. Odds stacked against us. Both of us following our dreams of trying to make a living from our passions.
We used to go watch her perform when she came through town. She has been very successful. These days, as the featured performer, her sets start three hours after my bedtime, so I had to stop attending her performances.
Now I only know when she is in town by the playbill posters I see around Vancouver announcing her impending visit.
She chased her dreams. I chased mine.
And it's turned out well for both of us. For her in a big way. So that's inspiring.
I'm not sure why, but this song of hers reminds me of her father (my uncle) and mine, both of whom we've buried.
It recalls to me our shared childhoods and the family we've lost.
Sometimes, to remember who you are, you need to remember where you came from.
Free to Be…You and Me – The New Seekers
Listen to Free to Be…You and Me
In my junior kindergarten, senior kindergarten and first grade years at Manhattan Park Elementary in Scarborough, Ontario, the school would gather once per year in the auditorium to watch the TV movie Free to Be…You and Me.
Even then, I teared up as soon as the theme song played.
It really resonated with me.
Yes, the show was created to battle prevailing gender stereotypes, but I read a deeper meaning into it about universal acceptance of everyone. About the sanctity of childhood and the importance of protecting and preserving that inner child. That each of us should feel free to be who we are in our hearts rather than conceal our true selves for fear of public censure.
We should each of us be accepted as we are, for who we are.
Talk about songs that amp me up.
If you want to see me kick some ass, put this song on.
It may seem like childhood innocence and a passion for combat sports are at odds. But in my experience, the world is a rough place full of bullies keen to beat the innocence and wonder out of us. Folks ready to punish you for expressing your authentic self if it doesn't fit with their narrow views of the world.
If you don't learn how to protect the child inside, these people will rob you of your childlike wonder.
Me, I decided to fight for that child. To be a champion for acceptance and self-expression.
I wanted to create a small pocket of the world where everyone would be accepted for the good they bring. Where you will be safe to be the real you without judgment. Where you do not need to fear bullies.
I will fight for that.
And I can. I've got the scars to prove it.
I will stand up for the people under my care. Even if it costs me. I can be as tough as the situation requires me to be.
I grew up working the door in my parents' biker bar. I experienced society's dark underbelly before I could drive. And I came through that with my inner child intact.
I lived through a world of sex, drugs and violence and came out still armed with love and faith and gratitude.
I refuse to let reality's sadder side darken my heart.
That belief is at the heart of what we've tried to create at Empower Every Body Fitness.
Yes, we're a CrossFit gym. We teach people to lift weights, develop strength, improve mobility and build confidence in what their bodies can do.
But I also want Empower to be a place where people feel safe being themselves.
Where beginners don't feel judged for what they can't yet do. Where older adults aren't made to feel that their best years are behind them. Where everyone, regardless of their starting point, is welcomed and encouraged.
A place where people belong.
Amazing – Aerosmith
This song has history for me. It saw me through the darkest couple years of my life.
After my family collapsed and my relationship imploded and I found myself alone and friendless in an unfamiliar city, in a distant province, life looked pretty bleak.
My first job here was working for the Robson Street Business Association, sweeping the sidewalks from Georgia to Bute for $10 per hour.
I was so lonely that I'd buy two 99-cent pizza slices for my lunch break. One for me, and one for the homeless guy panhandling on the corner. He would have preferred cash for booze but was not going to turn down a free meal, and I got someone to keep me company for a few minutes.
Win-win.
When school started, I got to meet some people, but most were from here and already had their established cliques. They weren't interested in adding a stranger from small-town Ontario.
So like the song says, in the early days, desperate with loneliness, I did initially let a few of the wrong ones in.
This was in the days before the internet, mobile devices and free long-distance calling, so it is hard to describe to someone today what that kind of isolation was like.
I eventually made some friends in classes and especially in judo and working security.
And I built myself a pretty good life here on the West Coast because I had no other choice.
There was no home for me to return to in Ontario.
Why Community Matters to Me
That feeling of untethered loneliness, of having no family and no place to belong, was a transformational experience.
I wanted to build a community that could serve as a surrogate family to people searching for a home. Where you would be accepted and celebrated for who you are. A warm, welcoming place where good people feel cared for.
I like to stand back at our Empower community events and watch our members interact, lingering, enjoying one another's company.
I see the community and the sense of belonging that they enjoy, and I think about that lonely 21-year-old who arrived in this city homeless and without a community to belong to.
And it is Amazing.
And I'm saying a prayer to the desperate hearts tonight.
People come to Empower for all sorts of reasons. Some want to get stronger. Some want to improve their health, maintain their independence as they age or simply feel better in their bodies.
But I hope they find something else here too.
A community that makes the hard days a little easier.
Because sometimes the most important thing a gym can give you isn't a stronger body.
It's a place to belong.
God Gave Rock 'N' Roll to You – KISS
Listen to God Gave Rock 'N' Roll to You
Do you remember the first time you saw someone perform a muscle-up? What did you think?
For me, it looked amazing, like something I really wanted to do.
It also looked impossible.
Not for other people. Clearly, some people could do muscle-ups. It just felt impossible that I could ever become one of those people.
Maybe you can relate.
Some skills seem an eternity away from where we are standing in the present moment. Maybe for you, that is pull-ups, handstand walking or double unders.
For me, it was gym ownership.
Oh, sure. I knew people who owned gyms. I just couldn't imagine that I could ever be one of them. So many obstacles stood between me and that dream.
For example, how do you find an appropriate lease space with ceilings high enough for rope climbs, wall balls and muscle-ups on Vancouver's West Side? And who's going to lease to a new business owner with no assets or proven track record?
Also, I was unemployed and broke. Where was I going to get the financing?
It felt like an impossible quest, and reality provided evidence of the impossibility over and over again as one lease offer after another was rejected by landlords, the city, the bank, etc.
But early in this search, in 2012, I stumbled upon this song by KISS.
Yes, I knew KISS.
I remember them making a guest appearance on the '70s TV show Kids Are People Too. I remember loving their makeup and costumes.
But despite the impression they made on me then, I never really followed their musical career into adulthood, and in 2012 I would have been hard-pressed to name a single song by them.
And then I heard this song play, and it transported me back to 1978 or 1979 when I was six or seven years old.
Though I swear I had not heard it played in the intervening years, I recalled it distinctly.
I remember cranking up the volume on my parents' stereo, putting on my baby blue bell-bottom trousers and my shiny, puffy-sleeved shirt—what passed for formal wear for a six-year-old in the '70s—and standing in the middle of the living room belting out my accompaniment to this song like a triumphant rock star on stage in a packed auditorium.
It made that six-year-old feel powerful, alive, triumphant, fearless. This was destiny calling.
God gave rock and roll to you.
At six years old, it is easy to believe that anything is possible. That you are destined for greatness. That you can accomplish anything.
In 2012, hearing this song play, it all came rushing back.
The song spoke about wanting something more from life. About working hard instead of just fantasizing. About taking a stand rather than compromising your dreams.
And it reminded me of something I'd known instinctively as a child but had somehow forgotten along the way.
You have to believe something is possible before you can make it happen.
The Song That Helped Build Empower
In 2012, this KISS song became my anthem as I took on the arduous challenge of transmuting an impossible dream into reality.
Played on repeat, this was the song that Empower was built upon.
A tribute to that six-year-old who was naïve enough to believe he could accomplish anything he wanted to in the world. Who believed, without a single singing lesson or musical bone in his body, that he could be on stage in a sold-out arena, singing to thousands of fans like a rock star.
My mission: Do not let that kid down.
And I haven't.
What I've built is proof that God gave rock and roll to everyone.
And yes, impossible as it seems from where you may be standing right now, muscle-ups are possible.
If he can do it, and she can do it, so can you. It may not be easy, and there will be setbacks, but if you're willing to work for them, dreams can become reality.
That's one of the things I love most about coaching.
I get to watch people discover that they're capable of things they once believed were beyond them. Sometimes it's a muscle-up. Sometimes it's a first pull-up, a heavier deadlift or simply getting through a CrossFit class they were afraid to try.
For someone starting strength training later in life, it might be discovering that they can still get stronger, move better and do things they thought they'd left behind.
The movements may be different, but the lesson is the same.
You don't have to be able to do something today to believe that, with consistent effort and the right coaching, you might be able to do it tomorrow.
And that belief can change your life.
Go manifest your dreams!
What's on Your Pick-Me-Up Playlist?
This playlist has gotten me through a lot of hard days. And it can work for you too.
It doesn't matter what songs you put on there as long as they resonate for you at the level of soul.
It can be a powerful tool when you are facing a hard day to help you show up as your best self for the people you love and serve. Including yourself.
We spend a lot of time talking about physical resilience at Empower. About building strength, improving fitness and developing the capacity to handle whatever life throws at us.
But emotional resilience matters too.
And sometimes the thing that helps you keep going isn't another workout, another motivational speech or another piece of advice. Sometimes it's a song that reminds you who you are, where you've been and what you're capable of.
Do you have a playlist?
If not, maybe consider making one for those times things get tough.
A little music goes a long way. Especially when it holds personal meaning to you.
What tracks will you put on your pick-me-up playlist?
