Starting The Hard Conversations (Or When We Can’t NOT Talk About It)…

I think we’ve all been there as parents – we notice something’s off with our young people. Maybe they stopped doing an activity or sport they loved, or seem to withdraw from their friends. Homework is piling up and little requests for chores or helping out become big arguments that seem to come from nowhere.

And then you ask the question… “So, how are you doing?” or “Is everything ok?” Or maybe you go for “I’m here if you need to talk about anything.” And it’s met with a “No, I’m fine!” or maybe some acknowledgement, or sometimes even just silence.

It’s a tough spot to be in, because we want to know, but don’t want to push. As a therapist who works with teenagers, I hear about this a lot in sessions. That it’s hard to talk to their parents, for so many reasons. So they talk to their friends (who are going through their own stuff) or they might have another safe adult they confide in, like a teacher or coach.

But how do we bridge that gap, and open those lines of communication back up?

When I approached Corey about doing some mental health talks at the gym, it came from a place of wanting everyone to have access to mental health literacy. I’m so grateful that our schools are doing all they can to break down barriers to mental health support, like having designated classes to discuss mental health, or having amazing school counsellors who are often the first point of contact when stuff gets hard at school. But those conversations need to happen at home too, and they’re often the hardest ones to start.

For those who I haven’t met, my name is Em, and I’m a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC #17901 through BCACC) who specializes in working with youth and adolescents. I’m a parent of two awesome kiddos, and I’m Method Man’s partner 😊 For my entire career, I’ve worked in crisis intervention and suicide prevention, providing short term counselling for young people engaging in risky behaviours like suicide, self-injury or substance use, and helping connect them to longer term services through our awesome (but so complicated??) mental health care system. I hear about almost everything under the sun that happens for the young people in our community – stress from school, friends or family; histories of trauma; relationship issues; and so much more. And one of my first questions almost always is: “Who knows about this stuff, other than me?” Parents are rarely on that list.

Mental health is an essential part of a young person’s overall well-being, and so many parents feel unsure or unequipped to start conversations about emotions, stress, mood & anxiety, and other mental health challenges. As our kids navigate increasingly complex social worlds with a mountain of pressures, establishing open communication at home has never been more important.

Young people experience stress much the same as adults do, but often have way less tools and resources to manage it. While navigating some stress on their own can help build resilience and coping skills, stress and challenges that go beyond their capacity for coping can start affecting a young person’s mood, behaviour, relationships and functionality. Grades drop, sleep worsens, appetite changes, and if untreated, can develop into more complicated challenges where our young people seem to be entirely different people (and not just that normal change that happens when they become teenagers). Research consistently shows that supportive, open, and validating family relationships are huge protective factors towards promoting positive mental health outcomes.

When parents have tools to create safe, supportive environments where mental health can be discussed openly without judgment, young people are more likely to seek help when they need it, and develop adaptive coping strategies to help them tackle the myriad of challenges life will throw at them.

Though our desire as parents is often to bubble wrap our kids and fix all their problems, one of the most powerful things that a parent can do is simply listen (and you don’t need to be a therapist to learn how to listen effectively!). Our kids want to know that their feelings are heard, understood, and accepted – most of the time, they want to not feel crazy and not feel like they’re the only one who feels this way. These don’t need to be big sit-down conversations all the time – small, everyday interactions can create trust and lay the foundation for discussing more difficult topics when those challenges arise.

We don’t have to have all the answers. Even as a therapist, I certainly don’t. We make mistakes. We’re human. What matters most is creating space at home where our kids feel comfortable talking about what’s actually going on for them, without worry of judgement, reproach, or invalidation.

So, on June 13th at 2:00pm at the gym, I’ll be giving a talk about how to start these conversations. During this presentation, we’ll explore common signs of stress/distress in children & adolescents, age appropriate ways to discuss mental health, strategies for active listening and supportive communication, how to validate feelings without immediately fixing problems, encouraging resilience and adaptive coping skills, and tools for seeking extra support if the need arises. The talk will be about 60-90 minutes, and we will have time for Q&A afterwards.

If you’d like to reach out to chat personally, before or after the presentation, you are welcome to send me an email at [email protected] – I also have business cards at the gym. I have a small private practice, where I work with folks of all ages. I offer a complimentary 15-minute consultation call, to make sure I’m the right therapist for you (or your young person), and currently offer virtual, outreach, or walk-and-talk sessions. My specialities, other than what’s listed above, also include working with neurodiverse and queer folks, high performance lifestyles (sport, work, creative pursuits), and managing work/life balance.

I’m hopeful that you folks find these talks useful – so if you’d like to see more and have specific areas of mental health you’d like to hear about, please reach out to Corey to let him know. I’m excited to present about a topic I’m so deeply passionate about, to an incredible group of folks that has supported this community (and its kids!) through the pursuit of all-around wellness.

Looking forward to seeing you on the 13th! (Register in Zen Planner to let us know you're coming.)